Stay Single, Drink Beer, Live Forever” – The Gospel According to Kathleen

Some people spend their whole lives chasing the secret to longevity—green smoothies, yoga retreats, meditation apps, all that “clean girl aesthetic” nonsense. Meanwhile, Kathleen Hennings from the UK just casually strolled past the century mark at 105 years old, pint in hand, like, “Y’all still doing kale shots? Couldn’t be me.”

Kathleen’s secret to a long, happy life? Stay single and drink Guinness. That’s it. No fancy supplements. No cold plunges. Just a firm commitment to avoiding men and pouring another round.

Honestly, she might be onto something. Relationships can age you faster than a pack of cigarettes and a weekend bender combined. Kathleen out here sipping her Irish stout while the rest of us are crying over texts that start with, “We need to talk.”

She’s been drinking Guinness since her late teens, and the company even sent her a care package for her 105th birthday. Imagine living so long that Guinness themselves send you a “thanks for the lifetime support” hamper. That’s not a birthday—that’s a brand sponsorship.

While most people her age are getting birthday cards from the Queen (well… they were), Kathleen’s getting a box of beer. Iconic.

She swears that skipping the stress of relationships helped her live longer—and let’s be real, she’s not wrong. No partner to argue with, no one to steal the covers, no “what’s for dinner?” every night. Just peace, pints, and pub-level happiness.

Her daily routine probably goes something like:

• Wake up.
• Breathe.
• Crack a Guinness.
• Laugh at people paying $15 for a smoothie.
• Live forever.

Kathleen’s proof that happiness isn’t found in a soulmate—it’s found in a cold pint glass. She’s basically the patron saint of single drinkers everywhere. And honestly? Cheers to that. 🍻

So next time someone asks why you’re still single, just tell them, “I’m trying to live to 105, babe.” Then raise your beer, take a sip, and toast to Kathleen—the queen of chill, the goddess of Guinness, and the ultimate anti-relationship influencer.